Word of god? No – Pulp Fiction

What is the basis of almost all modern day religions? I am talking mainly about the abrahamic cults of christianity, islam and judaism; each of which has of course spurned offshoots and sects. In christianity alone there are estimated to be in excess of 41,000 denominations. For the sake of my own sanity I am not going to question that figure but even assuming it is entirely wrong and the figure is some 90% less than that. We still are left with a large group of offshoot cults, each pushing a different angle on the essence of their religion, being encapsulated in a – book! All will at some stage in their belief mechanism point to the written words that they claim enclothe the essence of the words or directions (or guidance) of a deity. That deity is given alternate names and often the only difference between these belief system can reduce down to merely a disagreement on the name attributable to their omnipotent deity.

At their source, these cults derive their authority from those aspects of their own book of faith that they choose to propound. Most of these belief systems will have explanations for why they do or do not accept the entirety of the texts forming the basis of the abrahamic cults. For more on this you can resort to a discussion with a christian as to why the Old Testament is; or is not; applicable. I for my part do not intend to get bogged down with any of that, as what I am looking at here is the base starting point; that is the book itself, as written plus any codicils. By codicils, I am referring to concepts such as in islam where you have your main text forming your belief system – the koran (q’uran – or whatever creatively stunning concoction of letters you choose to formulate the name with) and the ancillary ‘instruction manual’ that goes with that base text. In islam the user guide is called the ‘Hadiths’. These are essentially notes taken by so called trusted witnesses, of the sayings, habits and guidances provided by allah’s apostle Mohammed, and some of his inner circle. Depending on whether you are a sunni muslim or a shia muslim, you will give credence to the hadiths produced from the prophets wives, sons or immediate entourage. Shia muslims love to wade in on the hadiths of their imam Ali, whom they revere whereas sunnis will dismiss these of little, if any, importance. Again the so called murdered prophet Hussain figures big on shia belief systems where again that same fellow is totally discounted by the sunnis, who incidentally are credited with the honour of having beheaded him and his 40 or so merry men.

In christianity we don’t have a user manual per se, but we do have a selection of books and chapters to choose from. old testament/new testament is one dividing line. But it cuts far deeper than that. You can break this cult down into the books of Paul, John, Adam, Frank and Brian. Okay perhaps not quite those names, but you follow where I am going with this? There are different books, written by different men and each has a take on the main theme of the story, namely jesus, god and the atrocious humans who never behave the way intended. god seems to have been forever occupied trying to correct these nasty humans and even resorted to wiping them out on a number of occasions (see Noah and his merry zoo boat for more details), none of which ever seems to have achieved the intended goal. Still the human race continues it’s repugnant sexually lambasted sinning, unabated and if anything, with more rigour than at any stage in history. Many current christian cults have been so distressed by the failure of our race to learn the messages of god that they now resort to promising an impending day of Judgement where all manner of shenanigans will befall humanity and depending on your personal position on the events, the dead will return to life and the living will revert to being dead and; oh my goodness, it gets quite overwhelming so again lets just leave this one where it is and move forward…

Essentially therefore I think we can for the most part  agree that religious base camp, for all the abrahamic offshoots, is ultimately a written text. Some (muslims) refer to this as the actual words of their allah, whereas christians seems unable to agree on whether jesus was god himself, his son, a messenger or just a friendly caring shepherd who had an anti-Roman axe to grind. Nevertheless, it is to the written text that each of the proponents of these cults will eventually revert. Odds are that the next time you see a muslim cleric waving his forefinger at a camera, he will be reading from the koran, firmly rooted in his free hand. Or, if your weekends are sufficiently shallow as to be spent in a church or ministry of some description, you will be familiar with the repeated frenzy of having to leaf through hundreds of pages of psalm books or bibles to swiftly catch up with the sing along of the moment. It is, this written text that interests me, and which has also interested a number of scientists, headed by Doctor Julius Sanreso, at the Institute of Historical Research.

Doctor Julius Sanreso, says that it would be in the interests of those who believe in such nonsense as organised religion or creationism to accept the fact that religious books were written by men as a control system. Now to many of you, that conclusion will appear to be as obvious as an elephant on a London bus. However; apparently it all comes as a bit of a shock to some others. Dr Sanreso’ offensive intelligence and powers of observation have on more than a few occasions resulted in him having to seek the protection of the police. He has come to realise that although gods seem to take criticism lying down, their followers are not as tolerant and often happy to resort to imaginative forms of terror and violence in an effort to emphasise the loving and caring nature of their deity!

Here follows a little excerpt of the good Doctors findings:

Just think for one second, if ‘God’ or a ‘messenger of God’ had written that particular religious book/bible, how come the writings only occur within a very limited period in human history? Also, consider the fact, that a human writing on a piece of paper, or a few pieces of paper, is not the word of ‘God’. If they were really written by a universal God or entity, the books would not be limited to some pre-medievel costume drama but would encompass all universality, history, the future and science. Language is something created by man, not an all-seeing, all-encompassing entity. God would presumably be universal and timeless as well as all-knowing, as is the universe, therefore these man-written books and scriptures, are just that, man-written linguistically created nonsense used to control men and women thousands of years ago. Why would ‘God’ write anything anyway?

We all can rehearse the explanations given by pious men of religion for their acts of abject violence and human sacrifice, each explaining, more often than not, in his own words, the reasons why god has ordained him to kill, maim, disembowel and sacrifice human life, so as to appease his ‘kind and loving’ deity. Every day our tv screen are filled with men beheading non-believers, or machine gun connoisseurs mass killing homosexuals deemed to have sinned through lust. That list goes on far longer than WordPress would ever allow me to post.

4 versions of absolute truth

But the astonishing part of all this is there is no rational or scientific way that organised religions can have a modicum of truth or factual reality because of the very reason that each and every one of these books are entombed in the time that they were written.

Muslims are quick to claim that the koran is the actual word of allah. They will cite Mohammed’s illiteracy among his long list of other undesirable qualities as a ‘resounding’ reason why the koran ‘could only possibly’ have been the actual words of allah. Those same muslims have published blog upon blog labouring the point and creating a plethora of reasons why no other Arab could have created or written the koran, for it is linguistically perfect, intellectually beyond question and has the accuracy of a intercontinental ballistic missile. But of course those perfections are only visible to the legions of followers ofthis blood curdling cult. To an outsider reading the koran, it comes across as little more than a diatribe of threats of eternal damnation through fires and hot stones to all that fail to follow allah’s self appointed apostle through thick and thin. That same outsider reading the koran will be quick to note that the tortures, which are magnificently described throughout, all revolve around human fears that existed at the time when the worlds favourite peadophile lived. Note, the pleasure with which the koran describes how non-believers will burn in the fires of hell fury so that their skins are no more and thereupon allah (yes he is exercising love and forgiveness here) will give them new skins with which he shall burn them again, and again, and again ad nauseum.

The pleasures promised by the koran are equally draconian and clearly of the time. These all relate to post-ascension to heaven where we all get copious amounts of fabulous sex, where the women are ‘black-eyed’ and revert to virginity after every fuck, and the men have members hung like mules which never go flacid. Clearly, these are promises that would give any desert dwelling petty thief an erection and frankly even manage to turn me on over one and a half thousand years later! Many of my fellow men will be able to identify with the promise of an endless supply of virgins and women reverting to virginity after each steamy session. After all, deep down in our animal consciousness, there is nothing that bothers a fellow more than knowing that some other fellow has been inside his woman, pleasuring her and delivering her unto orgasm after orgasm of sheer pleasure! Therefore, promise them ‘pussy in the afterlife‘ and make it a clean one, and you have their undivided attention. What could be more 5th Century than that? Only a Fifth Century uneducated sloth would believe that reverting a woman to virginity equates to her being ‘cleansed’. Basically the fact that she had sexual intercourse 5 minutes before she reverted back to virginity is overlooked and, like so much else in the quest for gods, deleted from memory!

More otherworldly pleasures promised by allah’s apostle including rivers of milk and honey, mountains flowing with crystal clear water, copious supplies of foods, flower scented magnificence and comfort and happiness for all. Let’s not forget the mention of fountains of wine while we are visiting islams heaven. It does not take a college education to identify that these are all issues that would have dominated the lives of the men of the period. Clean water, mountains (in the desert these are hard to come by), milk and honey (challenging but staple basics – you will note when reading the Hadiths that whenever Mohammed received guests it was customary to offer them a pitcher of goats milk – for special guests it would be sweetened with honey). Flowers were in eternal short supply in Mecca and Medina almost year round! Careful readers will note the absence of any promises of iPads, Ferrari’s or tropical island retreats in heaven. This is worrying not least because the koran is credited with an all knowing, all seeing, all happening allah who, they claim, ‘foresaw all of modern life and science and progress in the koran‘!!!! It follows therefore that the modern version of heaven, may not be all it’s cracked up to be. Frankly if I arrived just to receive milk, honey, clean water and the occasional hot shag I would be giving heaven a zero star TripAdvisor review!

As for who wrote the koran? A brief study of Mohammed (Piss.B.U.H) and his sexually charged lifestyle will quickly reveal that the thug surrounded himself with an entourage of scribes and writers, including experts in Hebrew, paganism and some of the most educated Arabic scribes of the era. It is widely accepted that these men were ‘hired help’, each receiving payment for his labours either in the form of cash incentives or the pickings and spoils of wars and looting. Some stayed merely because the apostle would have had their heads had they tried to flee! I am no expert in Arabic myself, though I would not claim to be anywhere near as illiterate as the pedophile prophet himself, I reckon given a clan full of the most educated and literate scribes of the day, a bountiful supply of sex and food, intermingled with some lucid and rancid revelations when shagging my 9 year old bride (who incidentally was the only person ever to bear witness to the visitations that Mohammed claimed to receive from angels – yeah you got it – a 9 year old saw the angels too); anyway given the above ingredients I too think that I could muster up a decent recital of allah’s wishes and desires and rules. So as for that explanation, how could a retarded illiterate like Mohammed have written the koran – he didn’t! He just came up with concepts (mostly stolen from the pagans and christians) which his scribes then put into poetic Arabic script that’s ‘some really cool shit people recite just before they cut your head off‘ (Pulp Fiction)

The research paper has come to the conclusion that reward/punishment religions, as control systems, are losing their grip on most of the population of the world and only a few die-hard fanatics and delusional maniacs are carrying on with the flame of idiocy. Watching the evening news, that is rather difficult to believe. However; it is a fact that the speed at which people are identifying ‘out’ of organised religions far outstrips those moving into these draconian death cults.

The inaccuracies and inconsistencies within the bible will be well known to most readers. There is after all no shortage of them. The mere fact that the bible was concocted out of version upon version and subjected to almost 2,000 years of church organised plagiarism and manipulation, makes it’s claim to authenticity devoid of any rational comprehension. For the most part even devout christians are wary of claiming the bible to be the word of god, well aware that it is in most respects, as clear as mud what the authors wanted to get across. Much of the popularity of the church arose through a need for one man to explain this confusing text to his ‘flock’. Most believers are too obsessed with the ritual obedience of biblical worship than portraying the fortitude to sit down with a glass or ten of wine and actually read and digest the babbling diatribe of Exodus; which incidentally is probably one of the more exciting stories in the book. Those seeking nausea or suffering from sleep deprivation will find that for the main part, nothing as effective as a read of the bible. If you feel at any stage that you are losing track of the plot, fear not. Even the authors themselves long lost the desire to maintain a sustainable story and each concentrated on his own main foray of speciality (note the obsession with Lot and his village of buggers, or the magnificent healing powers of jesus and even the hem of his garment). Again the same traits of the koran appear in abundance:

  1. control
  2. sexual and creative repression
  3. fear of pain, illness, suffering and punishment
  4. the desire for an afterlife filled with abundance

Doctor Sanreso went on to conclude that:

The game is up for all religions, how long can this sham carry on, with their ridiculous outdated ceremonies? The priests are deceivers, and they need to come up with some pretty radical solutions to their thousand year old magic trick. People aren’t as dumb or easily swayed as they used to be thousands of years ago, they actually have reasoning powers and can see through the utter nonsense of organised control systems like religion.

The Doc thinks that once humanity realises that it has been hoodwinked for so many millenia, it will react angrily. In many ways I wish that were the case. We are long overdue an anti-religious movement that actively works toward the banning and uprooting of all religious practices. That is one movement that I could comfortably support and have no interest in hearing the explanations and cries of tolerance and understanding. Religious dicta is after all a filthy disease that has sickened humanity since inception and been the root cause of the deaths of billions of people through history. Religion has had it’s chance to establish gods word and message on earth and for the biggest part has failed miserably. Failure of such ‘biblical’ proportions would not be tolerated in any other sphere of society or science and quite rightly needs to be returned to where it came from, the dry deserts of Arabia and a few hills in and around Palestine. Religion has expressed no tolerance or acceptance of any progress in it’s long history except that which has been thrust upon it (usually by war and law). The recent spate of Western governments legalising same sex marriages is not something that any of the abrahamic cults can in any way come to terms with and it is a symbol of quite how far society has moved away from the filth that comprises ‘the words of god’. Your church and mosque might still condemn homosexuality and sodomy as sinful acts and punishable by stoning or throwing off buildings or eternal damnation is a make believe fire, but society through the law has sent out a big fat loud ‘Fuck You’ to god and all his messengers and legalised ‘love’.

koran toilet paper decisions decisions

As we come to the end of this post, a little thought you may wish to take away with you for a rainy night when you are alone with your koran or bible. Search through those written words that form the basis of these cults and count (and if you can be minded even recount here in a reply), the uses of words such a ‘love’ in those books. As regards the koran (although I cannot profess to have checked myself), I doubt that the word appears at all in any manifestation. But in the bible where it can be found, it refers to only one type of love. The love of the follower for his god and the love of that same god for his obedient servant.

In religious texts, as in religions, there is no such thing as love between humans!




further reading:

Is Religion Made Made? The New York Times


3 thoughts on “Word of god? No – Pulp Fiction

    1. Thanks Essie – I enjoyed writing it – it was a rant but feel good to have got it off my hairy chest!
      So glad you commented. It makes it all worthwhile knowing that someone actually read it


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